


The quiet things that no one ever knows

by littlehighlittlelow



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Throwback, emo music, little bit of cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 03:42:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20464442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlehighlittlelow/pseuds/littlehighlittlelow
Summary: Sheldon can be difficult even at the best of times. Leonard has to wonder why he’d still choose his company over anyone else.





	The quiet things that no one ever knows

**Author's Note:**

> Timeframe varies but generally season 4 or earlier, Amy never comes into the picture (sorry, I like the boys together more). This has been sitting on my phone for over five years. I’m not sure what’s propelling me to post it now, but serious lack of this pairing kind of depresses me every time I look for them. They’re one of my favorite and I honestly haven’t watched the show for probably the last six seasons. So to anyone looking for the early days, I hope you enjoy. Unbetaed, cliches and run-on sentences probably abound. Title lovingly taken from Brand New.

It's easy to understand. Expected even, considering how much they have in common, Leonard later thinks as he brushes his teeth and watches himself in the bathroom mirror.

He's still in a good mood, still chuckling over the jokes he and Sheldon shared while contributing additions to internet memes over the past few hours.

Leonard had come home earlier, his mood hovering over him like the metaphorical raincloud so obvious that even Sheldon picked up on it.

The worst part for Leonard was that he was always taken by surprise. If he had been obnoxious or rude or acted uninterested to the girls he went on dates with, he would understand it when they wouldn't answer him again after the first date. Wouldn't be so blindsided when they said "let's just be friends" at the end of any second dates, only to disappear from his life as quickly as they appeared.

Sheldon said it happens so often he should be able to identify a pattern soon. He offers to help Leonard make a spreadsheet to chart the similarities.

Leonard just scowls into the tea Sheldon had insisted on making him ("Because despite your insistence that you are 'fine', past experiences and the 'emo music' you came home listening to says otherwise. And when people are upset, we make them a hot beverage, as my mother always says.") and doesn't reply. He hates that he almost has to agree with Sheldon. He also hates that he really can't see where he's going wrong. He considers making a post-termination questionnaire, just to get a few answers. Sheldon says even he knows that reeks of desperation.

Leonard vaguely wonders, not for the first, second, or twenty-third time, how he can have a friendship and share a living space with someone who pointblank insults him every opportunity that arrises.

Sometimes he thinks the honesty is refreshing; although for the most part it feels anything but. But he knows Sheldon is never intentionally cruel. Somehow it's comforting to know that he can always get a straight answer from him, even if it's not what Leonard would prefer to hear.

Leonard finishes brushing his teeth and turns off the light. He makes his way back to his room and gets into bed, the realization that he had a better time with Sheldon tonight than he has on any of his recent dates still floating through his mind.

*

When Penny says she doesn't think they're going to work out, Leonard knows, logically, that she's right. It doesn't stop his chest from feeling like someone was taking a chainsaw to it, but it gives him the stoicism to hold back his breakdown until he's back in his apartment.

He doesn't really remember dropping his keys onto the table, missing the bowl, or yanking off his jacket and numbly dropping down to sit on the couch. All he knows is Penny has finally given up on them and it's not fair. IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR.

He finally lets the tears that had been threatening ever since he left Penny's apartment to appear. He lets them leave streaks down his face, quickly cooled by the precisely-controlled air of the living room. When his vision starts to blur he takes off his glasses and tosses them onto the coffee table with a soft clatter.

Leonard doesn't know how long he sits there in the dark, but that's how Sheldon finds him; elbows on his knees and head in his hands, the salty tracks slowed but still falling.

Sheldon turns on the light and asks Leonard why he's sitting in the living room, in the dark, at 1:24 in the morning.

Leonard doesn't really remember what mumbled reply he offers in explanation. He doesn't want to explain anything. He doesn't want questions and offers of spreadsheets to show him all of the reasons why no one else will be very surprised by the news. But when Sheldon remains quiet and standing by the doorway leading to the bedrooms, seemingly with no intention to leave soon, words start to pour out.

Leonard expected it, in a way. And in a way he still feels like he's been hit with a truck. He feels confused and lost. He feels angry. He wants to scream at someone and demand to know why nothing ever goes the way he thinks it will.

Leonard feels the tears threatening to fall again and grows quiet as he quickly tries to blink them back.

He's not sure what he's expecting when Sheldon walks over and stands by the couch but, "Leonard, you're in my spot," probably shouldn't have been surprising.

Leonard can't be bothered to make the effort to get annoyed, and just slides over to the middle cushion, head back in his hands.

Leonard doesn't really pay attention when Sheldon sits down; initiating closer contact than absolutely necessary being rare but not particularly strange for the theoretical physicist. But he is caught off guard as Sheldon starts pulling him by his arm and shoving him this way and that until amidst all of the (somewhat painful) confusion, Leonard ends up lying on his side facing the coffee table, his head and a couch pillow on top of Sheldon's lap, the barley-felt fingers in his hair not unwelcome.

*

"I can't... I can't just leave. What about my job, my friends...what about Sheldon..."

"What about him, Leonard? He's a grown man, he can take care of himself. You can't seriously expect to live with a roommate for the rest of your life."

"I can't just leave like that. I couldn't do that to him."

Priya sighs and holds his gaze. "You can. What you mean is, you won't."

Leonard can't help but think back to the first time he met Sheldon. All he can focus on is two lawn chairs and DIE SHELDON DIE scrawled in red paint. A tall and strange fellow Star Trek fan who couldn't hold eye contact for longer than a couple seconds at a time. Something solidifies in Leonard's mind and he knows he's making the right decision.

"I'm sorry," is all he can think to say.

"I am too." Priya reaches forward, and her video feed goes black.

Leonard really isn't sure if either of them mean it.

*

"Can I ask you a question, Sheldon?"

Leonard isn't sure what he even wants to ask. He wants to be annoyed by Sheldon's response of "By asking whether you _can_ ask me a question, you have already proven you are indeed capable of said action. However, if you are asking if you _may_ ask me a question, the answer is yes." He also wants to be annoyed by Sheldon's lack of any other show of interest; the theoretical physicist's quick fingers not slowing on his keyboard and his eyes never leaving his screen.

Leonard wanted to be annoyed, but was actually glad to not be under the intense scrutiny of sharp blue eyes while he tried to figure out why he had opened his mouth to begin with.

The question he wanted to ask happily taunted him in his mind while he tried to think of anything else to take it's place.

‘What's the weather going to be like tomorrow?’ was winning over his other (few) (and worse) ideas, despite the _Tomorrow's Vintage Video Game Night, why are you worried about the weather?_ reply he suspected would follow.

While he internally fought with his traitorous (genius IQ be damned) brain, Sheldon had seemingly forgotten he had even said anything. Leonard had almost decided to pretend he hadn't and forget the entire thing when Sheldon sighed in his _I don't really care but I know social convention dictates I should at least pretend_ kind of way and swiveled in his desk chair so that he was facing the shorter physicist.

"Leonard, you are showing classic signs of discomfort. Do you feel alright?"

"Um."

"Did you consume dairy and are now experiencing gastrointestinal distress?"

"Um. No. I'm- thinking about something... And... Weighing all of the evidence... And I...um...can't decide what the most logical answer would be..."

Leonard considered his spineless escape options. He decides on suddenly remembering he had promised to help Penny with something while hurriedly walking out the door, and then begging to sleep on her couch that night.

*

The first time it happens, it's almost too easy. Familiar in a way like he had practiced it a hundred times before. Maybe that's because, in his mind, he has.

He hopes it feels this way to Sheldon as well, but judging by the wide eyed stare and sudden silence of the taller physicist, Leonard has a feeling it doesn't.

Leonard waits a few moments, returning Sheldon's gaze but not being able to find any words to say. He doesn't want to explain, or apologize. He wants Sheldon to know that this could be okay. That it wasn't that different from what they already have.

So he doesn't say anything, and instead lowers his gaze to Sheldon's hand that is resting limply by his side. Leonard's not sure what makes him think to take it loosely in his own hand, and he fully expects it to be snatched back by its owner.

He shifts his gaze back to the tv, Sheldon's hand surprisingly still in his left hand and his right holding the remote, and asks if Sheldon wants to watch another episode from the Star Trek blu-ray they had been watching. He waits patiently, not starting the next episode yet and not letting go of Sheldon's hand, but too nervous to look up again and see what he might find in a pair of intense blue eyes.

He can imagine a miniature Sheldon, wearing a hardhat and shouting "Danger! Danger!", while running through the infinite library of Sheldon's mind, desperately searching for the book containing the answer to the question, What do you do when your roommate and best friend kisses you?, but coming up short.

Leonard can't help the smile that spreads across his face at the thought of the mini imaginary Sheldon, nor his feeling of guilt for causing his and the real Sheldon's panic and confusion.

But as the fingers wrapped in his own finally squeeze back and Sheldon quietly tells him, "You can start the next episode, Leonard," what he doesn't feel is regret.

*


End file.
